The past is past, it is the present that I am sad about

9 04 2013

I see the Night as a Silence that stands before me
I see the Silence as a Monster that wants to devour me
I beg and cry but the Monster just stare at me
Still as every Night
I roared, I hallowed
I sink and dig my claws into it instead
I thought of victory but all is still
You know You know You know
The secrets we keep in our bosom still





I lost my laptop

9 04 2013

My laptop was stolen!
Along with all my photos of you!
Panicked!
I didn’t have any backups!
I didn’t have it in another hard disk!
Why didn’t I saved another copy!
Shit! Fuck!
I went round and round
Looking for it
Afraid I would slowly lose my memories of you
Your face,
Your gestures,
The old fashioned spectacles you wear when we are at the cinema,
The way I found it so cute and just had to kiss you and say I love you,
Our trips together,
2 lives that met and became entwined.
I was stupid…
I saw your new photos on the web accidentally
When I was worried when the quake happened
Thank God you were not there
In Beijing they told me
And married.

I didn’t know, had no idea,
No email,
No letter,
No messages through common friends,
No wedding invitations,
Nothing at all.
You have forgotten
Forgotten it all.

Maybe losing the laptop was for the best
Better this way
And time can do the rest
I know I know
Who am I bluffing?
The photos are still there
I know I know
My brain needs a crash
The spinning white wheel of a non start-up
Then at last I can also forget